My Life Without You In It
by JeenaCOOLAN
Summary: It's been ten years since Derek became the alpha. Surprisingly, everything turned out better for everyone with him in charge.
1. Death

**Stiles' POV**

It's been ten years since Derek became the alpha. Surprisingly, everything turned out better for everyone with him in charge. The pack became closer, stronger, and everyone is happy with where they are in life. We have all come to terms with what had happened with Peter.

But of course, bringing Jackson into the fold caused some issues. He wanted the bite and Derek was all for giving it to him, but Scott and I thought it was an awful idea. It caused a bit of tension there for a while, considering that Derek needed to have more than one beta wolf in his pack. He was trying to be less of an asshole, and take our opinions into it, but in the end the necessity for pack members outweighed our opinions.

So, he gave Jackson the bite.

Scott didn't talk to him for a while after that, using me as a buffer between him and Derek for the following weeks. I understood Scott's view on the matter, but at the same time I understood Derek's too.

So, I was the buffer. I didn't like it either, but eventually Scott started to cool off and accepted Jackson into the pack. For what it's worth, Jackson took to being a werewolf extremely well and changed a lot personality wise.

He even stopped bullying Scott and I, which was a huge surprise for everyone. (We were the main subject of gossip at school when Jackson started to include us in his inner circle of friends.)

I constantly pestered him about it for a while but he would just roll his eyes and change the subject.

I eventually got it out of him, however. Once I asked him, for like the fifth time he explained - in an exasperated tone - that it wasn't some big revelation. He just figured now that he is a werewolf and is part of the pack, he should try to be nicer to everyone.

Lydia - once she was finally in the know - told me in secret a little later that he was downplaying it. That becoming part of the pack really helped him over come most of his issues. Thus, his personality softening up. I don't know what issues he was dealing with and in any other circumstance I would be insanely curious, but I wasn't then. As long as he became a better person, I couldn't care less why he changed.

He and Lydia didn't work out sadly in the end. They broke up just after Junior year started. Yeah, you would think I'd be happy for that but when Jackson showed up at my door step looking like someone killed his puppy, I couldn't help but feel bad for him.

Honestly, the feelings I had for Lydia had already faded away by that point. I still think she is the most wonderful woman on the planet but I just don't see her as anything more than a friend. I can't exactly pinpoint when the feelings stopped, I just realized one day when she walked past that I didn't get butterflies in my stomach like I used too.

I didn't feel like my world revolved around her anymore.

Of course, if this had happened a few months earlier I would have certainly jumped at the chance. Sadly, my morals got in the way. I helped them, but only as a friend. Which is what I should have always been doing.

Even if Jackson was an asshole before.

They did end up getting over it quickly enough. After Lydia was bitten - and nothing happened to her - she was mainly focused on finding out what Peter was. She didn't remember a lot about that night, still doesn't but the one thing that never left her mind was Peter's red eyes.

We knew she would figure it out on her own eventually, so Derek brought in on the know about the pack. The way he told wasn't the best way, but it did across. Changing to his half form in front of her was interesting mainly because of her reaction.

She screamed.

It wasn't any ordinary scream either, it made my ears bleed from the sheer volume of it, and the werewolves cowered from the stench of death radiating from her. It didn't take long for us to piece together that she is a Banshee. In fact, it happened a few months before Aiden and Ethan showed up asking for our pack to help theirs' deal with a wendigo problem.

It was practically love at first sight for Lydia and Aidan because it didn't take long for them to become mates. It was tense at first once everyone found out, mainly because of how territorial wolves can be.

She lives with their pack now, which is a couple of towns over. She still comes to visit often enough. She brings Aiden with her too and we can't complain because as long as she's allowed to bring him, she will continue to visit. She mostly comes over to hang out, but if we are ever in any trouble she will help out with the drop of a hat.

Ethan doesn't really have a mate. He bats for the other team and his parents don't approve. Which is complete bullshit, but it's not like I can do anything about it. He seems fine, since he and Aiden both already had a bad relationship with them before he even came out as gay. But of course, he tries to keep them off his back by dating a female pack member of theirs.

And by dating, I mean using her a beard.

Her name is Kira. She is a tiny thing and incredibly sweet. A little rambly, but I can't say anything without sounding like a hypocrite. Plus, she is a kitsune, so if I do or say anything to piss her off, I might be coughing up lightning bolts for months.

She comes over with Lydia and Aiden constantly. Ethan comes too, but mainly to keep up pretenses that he is in fact dating her. I don't understand their relationship sometimes, one moment they seem to be just good friends who are helping each other out - her parents don't pester her about making friends and his don't give him grief over being into dudes - but in the next moment they act like the other doesn't exist. It's almost like they aren't acting, but I prefer to keep the idea of Ethan being a little fluid in his sexuality to myself lest I get my balls cut off.

Kira does seem to have a pretty big crush on Parrish, one of the deputies at the station. So maybe Ethan is just worried about her. I don't know though. Ethan shouldn't be giving her such a hard time about it because Parrish is pretty cool for a cop. I mean, he has busted me once or twice for small things, but he always let me off with a warning and a promise to never tell my dad on me.

I am just thankful he knows I am involved with the supernatural. Parrish apparently already knew about the supernatural as a whole but he didn't realize I was involved until much later. He is actually a Hell Hound - and holy shit who could have known those actually exist - and kept my dad in the dark a lot better than I could have.

Dad knows about the supernatural now, but only because things have calmed down a lot in the past few years. We rarely ever have any problems what with our alliance with Aidan and Ethan's pack.

Jackson also mated, to none other; Danny Mahealani. It wasn't the fact that it was Danny that was so shocking to everyone, it was the fact that Danny is a guy, if that makes any sense. No one ever suspected that Jackson might be bisexual.

Well, actually, Lydia probably did.

Allison and Scott are still together, they even got married. No one was surprised by that. Sure, after Sophomore year none of us thought they were going to last but they gladly proved us wrong.

It was in the middle of senior year when he proposed to her, actually. They waited till after graduation before they tied the knot though.

In truth, as much as Allison loves everyone in the pack now, she is still a bit hesitant about anything werewolf related. Mainly because of what happened with Kate. To a point, I understand where she is coming from because she loved Kate and saw her as a sister but just because it was Peter who killed her aunt doesn't mean Allison should be angry at the pack over it.

Especially with Kate being a homicidal maniac, that should give the pack some leeway.

I think somewhere deep down she knows this as well because every so often when we are all together, I sometimes catch her glancing at Derek with guilt in her eyes.

When Isaac received the bite, it was by accident. He was wondering the road one night after he had a really bad fight with his dad. He was just walking when suddenly he was attacked by a wolf out of nowhere, I heard he was in the hospital the next day and went to check on him.

The second I saw the bandaged bite marks I knew he was going to go furry and have fangs once a month. Derek had to hunt down the wolf that bit him, it turns out the Alpha, or whatever was left of him, lost his entire pack to a situation that was scarily similar to what Derek went through. Except, he lost everyone and was just wandering from town to town in a trance like daze. He didn't mean to bite Isaac, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let go of his 'pack' now that he had one. Isaac didn't want to be a part of his pack though.

Derek had to kill the Alpha to keep him from going after the poor boy.

Isaac didn't take to the bite very well and as much as he bonded with us, he was still wary about becoming pack. It took a while but eventually he came to Derek and asked to become pack. He even found himself a girlfriend, a were coyote named Malia. She moved into town with her folks a few years ago and they instantly hit it off. They aren't mated but they seem to be pretty serious.

Erica took the bite instantly when Derek offered it. We were out of high school by this point in time and we (as in; me, Scott, Allison, Isaac, Jackson, Lydia and Derek) were sitting in the diner waiting for our food when she started to seizure at the register. Once the ambulance was called and she was taken to the hospital, Derek had this look in his eyes.

Now, this look is dangerous on him because it usually leads to a new pack member.

He asked us first, if it would be okay to offer her the bite, but we knew he was going to do it anyways so we agreed with him.

Once she was out of the hospital, I was the one picked to talk to her at school the following day. To ask if she wanted to 'hang out'. She was apprehensive but her curiosity outweighed her suspicions. Thus, she ended up unknowingly going to a pack meeting which was where we told her about the pack and Derek offered the bite.

She said yes, obviously. It got rid of her seizures so why wouldn't she take it?

And since she and Boyd packaged deal, he took the bite when Derek offered it to him as well. I do not know the reason for why he was so willing to take the bite, or why Derek asked him. But by that point in time I figured it was just best to let it go, considering Derek's never been open about his thoughts before.

When she took the bite, she became sex on legs. She thrived in her new-found abilities, she gained confidence. She also gained bitchiness, which showed when I wouldn't convince Boyd to go out with her. I understood because she was still new at the whole werewolf thing and couldn't control her anger but tell that to my car!

She didn't even need my help anyways because he asked her out literally a few days afterwards.

Her and Boyd have been an item since. They aren't married, nor are they mated, but they are definitely head over heels for each other. They even have a kid, named her Laura after Derek's sister.

Derek is still his ever-present grouchy self. He has mellowed over the years but he can still be an ass when he wants to be. He doesn't shut everyone out like he did before but he does have moments.

Those 'precious' moments usually happen to involve me.

Sighing heavily, I slam the book I was reading shut. I lost focus on it a while ago and was just blankly staring at the pages. I go to put the book back on the bookshelf and finally get around to cleaning my apartment.

Once dad and Melissa started dating, I thought it would be best for me to move out and get my own place. I have been living here for quite a few years now. It gets lonely sometimes, even when everyone comes over to visit, but I have gotten used to it.

"Stiles!"

Half way in the process of screaming bloody murder and grabbing the closest weapon near me - which happens to be a hand vacuum - I realize that it is only Derek.

"Derek." I say. "What the fuck." He glares at me. This sort of attitude isn't new, it has been happening the entire time I have known Derek. We may have become closer but as I said before, he can still be an ass. I usually would respond sarcastically but I refrain myself. "What's wrong now?" I ask, my heart starts to race as my thoughts jump to conclusion upon conclusion.

He just grabs my hand and pulls me out of my apartment, not even bothering to shut the front door. "It's Scott." He says cryptically.

"What about Scott?" I ask, the panic starting to set in now. "Now is not the time to be vague sour wolf! What is wrong with Scott?!"

Once we are in his car, he finally answers me. "I don't know what is wrong, exactly. I just know that he is very sick." He stares at me intensely. I look away as he drives towards Scott's and Allison's house, trying to block the weird feelings resonating in my chest.

As soon as he parks the car, he yanks me out of the passenger seat and we head inside.

Scott is laying on the bed with Allison sitting across from him. He is drenched in sweat, his skin sickeningly pale and his whole body is convulsing. There is also black fluid dribbling from his lips.

My eyes widen at the sight of him.

I have never seen any symptoms like this. I have come across plenty of curses and supernatural diseases in Deaton's old bestiary he gave me in order to become our pack's emissary, but nothing as severe as this.

I walk over and place my hand on his forehead. Fuck, his temperature is skyrocketing.

"I've never seen anything like this." I whisper weakly, I then turn toward Derek standing right behind me with his arms crossed and a stern look on his face.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"I mean I have never seen this kind of disease before!'' I shake my head. "Derek, we need Deaton."

"Deaton is out of town Stiles. He won't be back for a couple of weeks." Derek's voice is strained.

"He could be dead in a couple of weeks!" I exclaim.

"Stiles..."

"Don't!" I snap, automatically feeling guilty for it. I head towards the guest bedroom and lock the door to keep them out.

Derek comes knocking a few minutes later. "Come out of there."

I ignore him. "Can't even help my best friend!" I mumble to myself. I sob uncontrollably into my hands.

Derek just sighs and walks off, leaving me to wallow in self-pity.

 **Jackson's POV**

"FUCK!" I yell outrageously, throwing everything I can get my hands on. I am so pissed that I could destroy the entire house right now!

As I begin picking up the arm chair, I feel a hand rest on my shoulder. I whip around, snarling, only to see that it's Derek. I immediately relax.

"Why him? He doesn't deserve this..." My shoulders hunch over.

"I know, but Jackson... Stiles isn't the one who is sick." His voice is stern. I sigh, gritting my teeth. I care for Scott, I do. No matter how many times I flat out deny it. It's just that Stiles has been there for me through a lot over the last few years. I may not say so, but Stiles is a close friend and I hate seeing him hurt like this.

"He's in the guest bedroom sobbing his eyes out, Derek. I care for Scott; you know I do but-"

"But nothing." He sighs deeply. "I know you're close to Stiles but Scott is the one who is in trouble here. Remember that."

I swiftly ignore him, wanting to continue destroying the room in anger.

"Will it make you happy if I go talk to him?"

I snort. "What makes you think he'll let you in?"

"I'll think of something, just go check on Scott. Now." He orders before walking angrily down the hall.

Rolling my eyes and I head towards Scott's room.

 **Derek's POV**

I knock on the bedroom door for the second time.

"Leave me alone!"

I grit my teeth trying not to get angry. "Damn it Stiles, open the door! Scott isn't going to get any better with you feeling sorry for yourself!"

"I don't fucking care! Just leave me the alone!" He sobs, I clench my fists.

"I'll break the door down!"

A few minutes of silence goes by before he responds.

"You... You wouldn't do that..."

I snort. "What would keep me from it? I can just replace it for them. So, let me in!"

A few minutes later I hear feet shuffling across the floor and the lock on the door clicking. Slowly, I open the door. I peer my head inside to see Stiles curled into the fetal position. Sighing heavily, I walk over and sit beside him.

"Stiles, you need to get yourself together!" He glares while wiping the tears from his face.

"But S-Scott is sick and I can't do anything to h-help him!"

"How do you think the rest of the pack feels? Stiles, we need to focus on getting him better. We can't do that with you in here."

He looks up at me. "It's just... He's my best friend and knowing I can't help him; it makes me feel..." He bites his lip and looks away. "Useless..." He whispers.

I exhale heavily, trying to control the urge to comfort him. My instincts aren't making it any easier for me either. I want nothing more than to bury my face in his neck, breathe in his scent and just claim...

I bite my lip, trying my best to ignore these feelings. I've been able to ignore them for this long and I will keep on resisting. Stiles doesn't deserve to have someone as broken as me as his mate. Sure, having the pack has helped me, made me realize that I am not alone, but all those years of self-loathing can't be reversed.

I can't change who I am any more than Jackson can. He might be a lot more caring towards people, more trusting, but he still has his doubts. His insecurities.

Those monsters never really die.

"You are not useless Stiles. None of us know how to help him but we are damn set on trying and we need you with us. You really don't want to sit in here doing nothing, do you?"

"No..." He murmurs.

"Well then, come back to the room with me. Once everyone is together, we can work on figuring out what is wrong and how to fix it."

He takes a few minutes before finally nodding in agreement. "Alright..."

 **Stiles' POV**

"How are we going to help him if we don't even know what's wrong?" I ask timidly. Derek sighs tiredly, rubbing his face with his hands. My mouth waters at the rippling of his arm muscles. Man, what I wouldn't give to have those strong arms holding me-

Snap out of it, Stiles! Remember Scott is in trouble, he is your priority! I shake my head furiously, getting rid of the dirty thoughts.

"I don't know, but we will figure it out. Now, you ready to go back out there?" Derek asks.

"Y-yes..." He gives me a small smile as we walk into the room. Seeing Scott on the bed sends me into a panic again and I want nothing more than to run away.

But I can't.

I walk over to the bed and lay my hand on his arm. "Scott, you're going to be okay..." Please let him be okay, if I lose him-

He groans in pain and starts thrashing wildly. I try to calm him down but he just whimpers. "It hurts Stiles! It hurts!" He whispers hoarsely. Allison, who I forgot was even in the room, rubs his sweat slicked hair out of his face. She looks like she is fighting tooth and nail to keep her tears as bay.

"We will figure this out Scott." I whisper. He groans and his body goes limp. I look over to her. "He is okay, the pain was just too much." I try to sound as convincing as possible but she sees through it. Her eyes show it, the realization that Scott might actually die.

"You want something to eat?" I ask. She nods hesitantly. I turn around to Derek behind me, silently asking him to get some food.

Jackson sighs deeply, I didn't even realize he came into the room. He then walks to the other side of the bed and checks Scott's temperature. "Damn, is it possible for him to get any warmer?"

"What?!" I ask in disbelief, I place my hand on his forehead, I gasp quietly.

"What happened? I was just gone for a few minutes!" I look over at Derek who is carrying two plates that are holding bologna and cheese sandwiches.

"He's getting worse Derek!" Without even thinking I run over and tackle him into a hug, knocking the plates out of his hands in the process.

"What the fuck Stiles!" He yells in surprise before hesitantly hugging me back. I bury my face in his neck while the tears continue to fall.

"I don't know what to do... " I whisper.

Derek rubs my back in a soothing motion. "Scott will get better Stiles, he has to." He whispers, his grip tightens and even with Scott being in the state he is, I can't help but enjoy it.

 _ *** * * Two Days Later* * ***_

I cry onto Derek's shoulder as Scott's body is taken to the morgue.

Allison is full on sobbing her eyes out. I can't blame her; she just lost her husband and the father of their children.

Yeah, children.

She's is having twins. Only found out about the pregnancy in general a few days ago, just before Scott got sick... She is pregnant and Scott never knew.

She planned on telling him on his birthday, which was going to be this Saturday. She couldn't tell him with how sick he was. I mean, he was unconscious for the majority of it and even when he wasn't, he was having seizures all the time.

We were so close to finding out what was wrong. If only we were faster...

I cry harder on Derek's shoulder, the babies will grow up without a father, without Scott. Dammit! I should have been able to help Scott but no! I couldn't find out anything. So much for being the pack's emissary...

Now Scott's dead because I wasn't fast enough.

"Scott and I weren't very good friends but I did care for him. I am sorry." Jackson says, then grabs Allison into a hug. The others are huddled together on the front step of Allison's and Scott's house.

Erica is very badly trying not to cry. Boyd has this sour look on his face. Isaac and Danny have masks of indifference on their faces but you can see the haunting in their eyes. Lydia is silently crying in Aiden's arms. The poor guy doesn't even belong to our pack yet you can see the sadness is hitting him too.

"T-thanks Jackson... That means a lot."

One of the drivers from the funeral home walks over to Allison. ''Ma'am, we need you to fill out some papers." He asks, you can literally feel the discomfort rolling off of him.

"Just let me have a few minutes please." The man nods before heading back over to the hearse. Allison looks over to us. "I just want you all to know that I am grateful. I know you did your best for Scott..." Tears fill her eyes. "This may be the last time I see you all for a while. I just... I need to be alone. I hope you understand."

My heart aches. "We understand." I whisper sadly.

"Yeah..." Jackson mumbles. Allison smiles, it's a sad worn out smile, but a smile none the less. She then leaves with the hearse drivers.

Once she's gone, I bury my head back into Derek's chest.

Jackson just stands there awkwardly for a few minutes before speaking. "I probably should go too..." Danny hisses his objection, taking a good look of me. I don't know what he sees but after a few seconds he walks toward the car dejectedly. Jackson looks at us briefly before he heads toward to the car himself.

The rest of the pack stay for another couple of minutes, mostly just hugging me and each other before they finally say their goodbyes, leaving Derek and I by ourselves in front of what used to be Scott's and Allison's house.

Derek rubs my back soothingly. "I'm sorry Stiles. I'm so sorry..." Derek whispers. I lean back from the embrace, knowing there is confusion in my eyes.

"Why are you apologizing to me?!"

Derek sighs, pulling me back into the hug. "You're hurting, I don't like it."

I push him away. "You should be more worried over Allison! For god sake, he was her husband!"

"I know how awful this will sound but you need comforting more than she does. You have known Scott since the two of you were in diapers, he was like a brother to you. This is hurting you more than her."

"That's not true! Allison is in just as much pain!" I shout in rage, the tears gushing down my cheeks.

Just then the phone rings. I hastily wipe away the tears on my face, take a deep breath, and answer. "Hello?" I mentally curse myself for the waver in my voice.

"Son I just heard what happened. Are you okay? Do you need me to come over?" Dad asks frantically. I sigh. I want him to be here for me but honestly dad doesn't do tears very well. I don't want him to see me a blubbering mess.

"No! I am fine." I lie weakly. Derek raises an eyebrow. I glare at him, hoping he knows to keep quiet.

"You are not fine." He sighs on the other end. It sounds worn, he saw Scott as a son, I know this is hard for him too. "I will be over at the apartment as soon as I can, Melissa too." And before I can object, he ends the call.

I stare at the phone dejectedly for a few seconds. Derek coughs awkwardly and I look at him. He is just standing there, looking at the floor like a child who got put in the corner, it's kind of cute actually- NO!

The little voice in the back of my screams as loudly as it can. SCOTT'S DEAD! SCOTT'S DEAD! And suddenly reality crashes down upon me again. Derek suddenly speaks. "I better go. I need... I need to..." He finishes the sentence lamely, not really knowing what to say.

"See you later then?" I ask hesitantly, not really meaning it.

"Sure." He murmurs, he then walks toward his car.

Once he is gone, I let go of my control and start sobbing heavily. I drop to the ground and bring my knees up to my chest into a ball, letting the wave of sorrow take over.


	2. Life

**Stiles' POV**

It has been four months since Scott's death, and they have been horrible, awful and never ending. A few days after he was taken to the morgue his funeral was held. It was awful to see everyone there, sad and distraught, especially Allison. She's six months pregnant now, she was barely two months pregnant when he died and just even thinking about those babies growing up without their father makes me sick to my stomach.

I still can't believe he is gone. It seemed just like yesterday that he was bitten by Peter, that we were kicking supernatural ass together...

Sighing heavily, I lay back on my bed.

I have been spending most of my time in this bed when I am not at work. I usually just sleep or stare at the walls. The logical part of my brain knows what this is, depression, but the grief idled part of my brain just wants to ignore it and wallow.

That part always wins.

Time barely has any meaning anymore. When I am at work I just blandly go through the day and at night I have such horrible nightmares about Scott. He is usually standing in front of me, surrounded by darkness, shouting at me. He blames me for his death, calls me a failure, calls me weak, things I know he would never say in real life.

I know they are just dreams, but they still take their toll on me. It is my fault Scott is dead. If I had been fast enough with researching... I stopped wanting to be the emissary after his death. If I couldn't help him how on earth was I going to be able to help the others if they ever got sick like that?

The guilt is eating me alive. I have been avoiding everyone, the pack, Allison, Melissa, my dad. The list goes on. I just can't face them. I have rarely been eating, everything is tasteless. I don't bother socializing or doing the things I used to do for fun.

I can't even stand human contact anymore. If someone tries to touch me, whether it's a handshake or a hug, even a brief shoulder bump can cause me to throw a fit. There was this one time I was practically forced to go to my boss' birthday party. Everyone there was pretty drunk and they were all touchy with each other. Just watching it was making me panic so I quietly left through the back door and went home.

Sometimes I will have a random burst of energy or a nightmare that won't get to me as badly. Those moments make me feel like I am getting better, like I can try to live again. I know Scott wouldn't want me to be like this and I honestly don't want to either.

But once I start feeling like I used to, before Scott died, the depression slams down on me again and reminds me of why I am this way.

It's a never-ending cycle.

I rub my hands on my face tiredly. I really want a friend with me right now, the depression is weighing heavily on me today and I just can't deal with it alone. I usually can fight it off most days but for some reason, I need someone to help me.

Maybe I am finally getting better, that is always the first step, right? Admitting you need help...

I look over at my phone, tempted to call someone, anyone. Though I doubt they would answer. I haven't been a real good friend these last few months.

I wouldn't blame any of them if they wanted nothing to do with me. I know Scott's death affected them just as much and acting the way I have is not fair to them. Fuck it. I grab the phone and call the one person I know who will answer.

"Hello?" I almost lose it the second I hear his voice.

"C-could you come over? Please?" I ask hesitantly. A few seconds go by before he responds.

"Stiles? Yeah, I can come over. When?" I sigh in relief.

"Half an hour will be fine... Thanks Derek."

As soon as he hangs up, I rush into the bathroom to take a shower. I haven't bathed in a few days and I know I smell awful. My hair is unkempt and my clothes are wrinkled, I look like a homeless man to be honest.

There is also the fact that I have lost weight, not too much, but enough to cause some worry.

Once I am out of the shower, I find some clean clothes, which I am surprised. I haven't cleaned the house in at least two weeks and my room is the worst part of it all. There are dirty clothes everywhere, the room smells like body odor, the bed isn't made, it's like a tornado swept through it.

So, once I am all fresh and clean, I pick up all the dirty clothes and put them away, I make the bed as quickly as possible and spray the entire house with Febreze, hoping to mask the scent.

Just as soon as I sit down to take a breather, the doorbell rings. I sigh heavily as I enter the living room. I open the door hesitantly to see Derek standing in front of me. I haven't seen, or contacted, him in months and looking at him now hurts because I know I abandoned him.

I abandoned everyone.

"Come in..." I murmur, opening the door farther. He walks inside and looks around for a bit. I stand there nervously as he goes to sit on the couch. I sit down right beside him. A few minutes of silence goes by as we just sit there in each other's presence. I look over at him and see sadness in his eyes.

That is when I break down.

"D-Derek!" I sob uncontrollably. He wraps his arms around me and lets me cry. "I miss him so much." I whisper, burying my face into his neck.

He pulls away from me slightly to look me in the eyes. "Stiles. We are all worried about you. Did you know the second I hung up the phone everyone was in my face begging to know if you were alright? They miss you."

I look away in shame. "I am so sorry. I was just so wrapped up in my own grief that I shut everyone out." I look at him again. "I honestly didn't mean to avoid you, any of you."

Derek sighs, rubbing my shoulders comfortingly as I let it all out. I tell him about it all, everything that I have been feeling these last four months. The depression, the nightmares, the weight loss. The anger, the sadness and the pain. I tell him how all this time I believed Scott's death was my fault. I just keep on talking till my voice is sore and my eyes are dry of tears.

Slumping against him, I feel lighter, like so much weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

"Scott's death was not your fault Stiles. Please believe me when I say that." Derek whispers. Pain etched on his face. I feel like crying again.

"I know, it has just been so hard. If feels like everything is out to get me, to make me believe it."

I look up at Derek's face, his eyes are dark with emotion. "You shouldn't believe it. No else does, not even Allison."

I take sharp intake of breath. "A-Allison doesn't blame me?" I ask timidly.

Derek rolls his eyes affectionately. "No! She doesn't blame you at all Stiles. In fact, she even wants to name one the twins after you, that is if either of them are boys."

My eyes widen. Oh God no. "Y-you can't be serious! She wants to give one of her kids MY name?"

"Don't worry, she won't use your first name. She doesn't want the poor boy made fun for the rest his life." He snarks.

I gasp mockingly. "How dare you! My name isn't that bad!"

"Yes, it is Stiles. Your own dad can't even pronounce the damned thing." I snort amusingly, not even realizing it. Once I notice that Derek's eyes widened, I freeze.

I laughed... I haven't laughed in months! Derek places his hand on my cheek, making me look him in the eyes. "I've missed your laugh." He whispers. I gasp, my heart is racing a million miles a minute. He inhales a deep breath. "I've missed you, Stiles. We all have."

I close my eyes.

God why does this have to happen now?! I thought it was just a crush... Fuck, I have always thought Derek was attractive but what with losing Scott I just felt like I didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it. Love is not something someone like me should have. Yet, those feelings I buried in my heart long ago are resurfacing.

What the fuck do I do?

Hesitantly, I lay my forehead against his. He sighs, closing his eyes as if he is savoring this moment.

"I really am sorry Stiles; I know how much he meant to you. You should have told someone instead of suffering with all of this..." He whispers, his minty breath fanning my face.

"D-Derek..." I whisper as he leans in, wanting him to kiss me so much.

"Yes?"

"I wish I had told somebody too. More specifically, I wish I had told you. Thinking of you, which I admit happened a lot - but I also thought of everyone else as well..." Fuck, I am babbling. Get a hold of yourself Stiles! Derek just smiles lightly, seeming amused. "It's just, you mean so much to me. Everyone does. I didn't want to let you guys down again."

His lips brush over mine hesitantly, my heart races in my chest.

"You didn't let anyone down Stiles. Do you want me to group dial everyone just to confirm it? Because I will." He whispers, his breath washes over my face.

"N-no..." I whimper, suddenly forgetting what we were talking about. Well, okay, I didn't really forget, I just want to postpone the rest of the talk. I have a real huge need to kiss Derek senseless right now.

Oh, fuck this!

I slam my lips into his. Derek responds instantly, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me furiously. I moan rather loudly when his hands travel down to my ass. Shocks of pleasure course through my veins making my skin hot and my blood boil. Where ever his hands touch my skin tingles.

As he forces his tongue in my mouth, the kiss becomes even more heated. I rub my hands through his hair feverishly as he pulls me toward my room. I moan when he starts sucking my neck.

"Oh god..." I whisper breathlessly as he finds that magic spot that makes me melt. My back arches, causing our cocks to rub against each other and even with our jeans in the way I can't help but moan. Derek starts grinding on me. Fuck, is it possible to get even harder? I shift my hips hoping to find some relief from the tight and itchy material. "Derek!" I whine.

He pulls back and looks me in the eye. "Stiles, there's something I must tell you before we even think of continuing with this."

"Okay..." I say hesitantly.

"Well, there's no easier way of telling you this, so I'm just going to come out with it..." He takes a deep breath. "You're my mate." He whispers.

"R-really?" I ask.

"Yeah. I should have told you a long time ago but I was just so set on believing that I didn't deserve you. That I didn't deserve to be happy. But Stiles... Going without you in my life these last few months so awful. I shut people out, that is what I am good at but dammit you can't make the same mistakes. You have people who love you and will support you when things get tough and I am one of them. No one blames you for Scott's death!" He blurbs all this out in one breath.

Sadness envelopes my heart at the thought of Scott.

No! He is right. I need to quit putting myself down. I can't let the depression win, it's not like me. I used to never give up so easily, I need to be that Stiles again. I know things won't ever be okay, not without Scott, but I can try I to be better.

I can't just let myself waste away.

"You are right Derek. God..." A tear slides down my cheek. "I have been so foolish." I whisper.

"You weren't foolish, love." My heart skips at the nickname. "You were mourning."

I then slam my lips into his again, kissing him with even more passion than before. At first, he doesn't respond, surprised most likely. I place my hand on his cock and start rubbing him, hoping to get a response and thankfully I do get one.

He moans loudly and finally starts to kiss me back. I pull him along with me, towards my bedroom. Once we are there we sit down on the bed and hurriedly take each other's clothes off.

 _ ***Fades to Black***_

I yawn, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his chest.

"I love you Der..."

"I love you too Stiles."

I lay my head on his shoulder as he holds me in his arms. "I really am sorry. About everything. I promise, I will do whatever it takes to fight this. I want to be there for you all again."

"And you will Stiles." He kisses my forehead. "We will be there for you too. Just like we should have been all this time."

With that I finally let sleep over take me.

I am not an idiot. I know things won't automatically get better overnight. It might not ever get better again, but as long as I remember I am not alone in this I will be fine. I have my dad, my pack, and most importantly...

I have Derek.

 _ **The End~**_


End file.
